With this shocking news, the super-sized piece of corn hull, that Chris had recently extracted from his chicklet gum like teeth, slides to the back of his mouth. Chris’ mind was saying,”I WANT YOU IN MY BELLY,” but, his body wasn’t complying. The piece of corn slides past the uvula and gets lodged in Chris’ throat. Ruben Studdard, who happened to be mopping the bathrooms, sees that Chris is choking and drops the mops and runs to Chris’ aide. Ruben wraps his grizzly bear sized arms around Chris and squeezes...and squeezes..and finally, the piece of corn flys out of Chris’ mouth across the restaurant and hits Ashton Kutcher square in the forehead. Ashton starts laughing at Chris and says, “YOU’VE BEEN PUNKED!!!”. Chris scratches his fro and says,"you know guys, that was really, really corny".

...and then Ashton replied with, "UVULA? HOW DID YOU GET CORN DOWN THERE?!" Both Ruben and Chris both looked at Ashton, then looked into the camera and said, "Oh Ashton...[obvious fake laughter]ahahahahahahaha!"

Meanwhile, back at HQ, Sligh remembered what the golden fried wings had told him. Sligh....you must bore a son....bore a son echoecho bore a son... As Sligh snapped out of his flashback, he immediately got to work. He went down the street and found a son - a son of a preacher-man. He then sat down with the son and they had a staring contest. Sligh asked the son, "Is this boring you yet?" The kid replied, "No." Chris and the son twiddled their thumbs for 6 hours. Chris asked if that had bored him, and the son said it didn't. Finally, Sligh came up with a novel idea and hired Ben Stein to read Austen's "Pride and Prejudice." 24 hours later when the novel had ended, Sligh asked the son if he had been bored. Finally, the kid triumphantly shouted, "YES! YOU DID BORE ME!"

Post edited by: TheGodfarter, at: 2007/04/06 19:08

Back at Church’s Fried Chicken HQ, the 5 golden fried wings, 4 crispy calling birds, 3 french fried hens, 2 chocolate turtle doves, and a partridge in ranch dressing were all watching the whole situation transpire through Chris’ Fro Cam. They all started rejoicing when Ruben came into the room and said, "hey bird brains, Sanjaya and Clay just flew into the restaurant on a horny pink donkey. They said that if we don't tell them where Chris is, they'll start singing duets until we all BORE a child".